Tough Love

I find it weird to be thinking about you again … well, it’s been three years since we call it off. Maybe I just want to write something about us … about what we’ve been through before. Yeah I call it “tough love”, because it has been really tough from the very beginning. First of all, we were both in a relationship when we found ourselves falling for each other. It’s crazy that two people were hurt when we fell in love. I honestly told myself that what we have won’t last long, but I was wrong. I have to admit that in our relationship, you’re the one who made it strong, and possible, and lovely, and undying … and UNFORGETTABLE. I admire you for giving so much effort and time to make our relationship work. I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend that time yet. I didn’t had the chance to introduce you to my family. They didn’t had the chance to meet such a wonderful person.

I know that I’m not a “cheesy” person. I’m not clingy. I’m not the jealous type. I’m the do-whatever-you-like kind of girlfriend … but there are times that I got jealous too. I got jealous of the girls who became close to you because I’m afraid that they might discover why I fell for you and they might feel the same way as I do towards you. I was so afraid that the whole universe would take you away from me.

I remember all the times that I just sat by the bleachers while I watch you play volleyball. Thinking of reasons why I love you … but I can’t think of any because I just simply do. Many people questioned me … “why him?”. In my mind I answer back, “why not?” … Why wouldn’t I love the person who stood up for me? Why wouldn’t I love the person who saw all my imperfections but still wanted to be seen with me? Why wouldn’t I love the person who stayed even though I’m a tough person to love? Why wouldn’t I?

I’m not sure if there’ll be a chance that you will read this … but if ever that you will … I just want to tell you … from the bottom of my heart … I’m sorry. For giving up on us. For hurting you. For failing all the promises we made. For shattering all the high hopes and big dreams we have for each other. For being so weak. For being coward. For not holding on.

And also thank you … for understanding me, even up to the day that I gave up on us. It is indeed a tough love … but I won’t ever regret falling in love with you.

… Oh if my voice could reach back to the past, I’d whisper in your ear, oh darling I wish you were here.

Maria Angelica